Living up to my name

I'm definitely coasting to the finish line of my six months of rules. I think the most egregious breakdown I had recently was a fairly innocent one - I "requested communication" with a guy on eharmony. I know better than that, but he was a cute, relatively young, divorced, Jewish guy with a sensitive and intelligent profile. I also contacted a few people on my Chemistry.com free trial by accident - I didn't realize clicking interested would notify them. I'm about to go on Jdate and solicit New York guys because I want to set something up for the next 2 weeks when I'm out of town.

Probably most interestingly, I had two more interactions with texting guy.

The first one, I was a nearly perfect Rules girl when I ran into him at an event. Though I did hint that I wanted a ride (come on, I was wearing uncomfortable heels). Then yesterday he booty-texted me. Not in so many words, and he denied it later, but I pretty much knew what the invitation entailed and accepted it anyway. Yes, via text. The thing is, a) I wanted fb guy not to be the last guy I kissed, and b) I know the deal with texting guy. I don't have romantic designs on him anymore. We just have great physical chemistry. I didn't do anything dangerous, don't worry.

I'm going back to NY on business this weekend. I usually have some solid alone time there, so stay tuned for the following episodes, all made possible by my having hit the online dating circuit again:

• Rulebreaker reviews all the major dating sites, and how to apply the Rules to them
  
• Rulebreaker dates a man with a kid
  
• Rulebreaker dates a B-list celebrity
• Rulebreaker dates a doctor
  
• Rulebreaker tries to find a New York boyfriend to entertain her during business trips, including a friend setup
• Rulebreaker gets some serious street cred in softball
  
• At least four potential interests RSVP to Rulebreaker's 30th birthday party
  

annnnnnd... poof!

Texting guy seems to have gone poof. I'm ok with this. During our last date - a lunch date - he asked me to come to his stage performance that same night. He pushed pretty hard at this, right up until he walked me back to my office. I couldn't come up with a great excuse why I absolutely couldn't go. I didn't promise, but I left open the possibility. I couldn't actually go because of the Rules - it was the same night, plus "[i]f you meet a performer and he offers you a ticket to see his concert or show as a first date, politely decline. Attending his show is not a date. If he wants to see you the night of the show, he must pick you up afterward and take you out." --Rules II Chapter 14, Don't be a Groupie and Other Rules for Dating Celebrities and High-Profile Men. Plus I was tired and slammed. He probably took this as the final straw.

I find it fascinating how some think that texting guy was either not that into me or waaay too lazy; and others of you think I drove him off and he would have been better if I hadn't acted so disinterested. I think he was a decent guy who had the potential to be that into me but wasn't yet, and doesn't really have any interest in real courtship. I don't really blame either of us for this fizzling. I don't regret my actions, and his thoughts that I'm not responsive enough are well-founded.

Facebook guy went poof too. I'm slightly less okay with this even though I barely met the guy. I got myself all excited about him. Lesson learned, I guess.

I am very sloooowly interacting with exactly one dude on eharmony, which is a separate post I'll write pretty soon. Eharmony, meanwhile, has run out of Jewish guys within 60 miles of me and has started matching me with guys in San Antonio who can't spell, and guys in New York City who seem perfect for me but are in New York City.

I have an inkling that there are a few guys I've made friends with who might be into me. I'm not really into them that way though.

In other words, very few if any prospects on the horizon. I anticipate that this dry spell will continue, because I am

(i) buying a house
(ii) leaving town on a 2-week business trip; and
(iii) a little exhausted from thinking about dating, and am more or less ready to try not to.

I consider this to be "happy and busy" time per the Rules, and thus within the scope of my blog. I'd like to keep writing, but I may wander off topic for the next month or so (month #3 of 6).











And perhaps my favorite (embedding disabled).

Status Update

1. I Nexted a dodgeball guy who randomly looked me up and e-mailed me on the fourth e-mail. He still flirts with me at dodgeball. Not really expecting anything more there.

If, by his fourth e-mail, a man hasn't suggested meeting, don't e-mail him again. --Rules of Online Dating, Rule #1: If He Doesn't Ask You Out within Four E-mails, Delete/Next!

2. I turned matching on on eharmony for their free communication weekend and am communicating with one guy (he "requested" communication first, of course). Applying The Rules to eharmony is damn near impossible, as the whole point of that service is to spill your entire personality out on the table before you even meet. The best I could do was be "light and breezy," and "less is more." (See Online Rule #3). I waited 24 hours to respond to the first and second communications, but did the relaxed 4 hour rule for the third communication (Plan B: Until You Can Do The Rules 100 Percent):

We understand that 24 hours can seem like forever when you are e-dating a new prospect, so wait at least four hours so you don't seem desperate.

The third e-harmony communication step is to select 3 open-ended questions to ask the person. I picked three "light and breezy" ones to ask him, and he picked some real cheap shots like "What have you learned from past relationships?" I attempted to be light and breezy in response, but I did say something arguably off-putting in my last communication. Would not be surprised if he doesn't write back, and highly unlikely I'm going to pay for eharmony right now.

3. I met a guy at a Jew party. He started talking to me first but it wasn't a straight on "approach" as we were both in the same conversation with mutual friends. I was unfortunately not particularly Rules-y with him. For example, I broke the hell out of Rule #1:

If a man approaches you, you smile and answer his questions very nicely without saying too much. You're demure, a bit mysterious. You leave him hungry for more, as opposed to bored. After a few minutes you say, "I think I'll walk around now."

I'm never going to be the type of mysterious they're going for here. It's just not me. However, I think there's a different kind of mysterious that I can achieve - a sharp, quick-witted version that can also be intriguing. I tried to be this version of myself, generally succeeding. He certainly seemed intrigued. And I didn't offer up my life story, I waited for him to ask questions and I answered, and didn't ask too many questions of him. There was a lot of banter, which I don't think is strictly Rules-y. Then again, I think the Rules authors probably suck at banter. Sorry, coy banter is the best I can do at mysterious, at least for now. I didn't bare my soul or talk about anything remotely personal.

Also, I'm never going to say "I think I'll walk around now," who does that? I did excuse myself to go to the restroom once, and stopped to talk to other people a few times. I did not do this enough, as I talked to him for stretches lasting longer than a few minutes. When I did step away, we would always find each other pretty quickly and start talking again. I never approached him but it also just seemed like we naturally found our way back to each other when we got separated. He made it clear early on that he wanted to ask me out, so it seemed ok that he didn't ask for my phone number until later in the evening, despite the Rules's indication that you should try to make like you're leaving so he will ask you for it, afraid he won't see you again.

During these conversations our body language kept getting more intimate, and then ... he KISSED ME. I kissed him back because I liked him. It was about a 3-5 second kiss, which I do not consider "making out." In the spirit of Rule #14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date.

Let him kiss you on the first date, but nothing more. Keeping it to a kiss will force him not to think of you as just a physical object...So the less you do physically, the better.

Ok, I get that we were not on a date, so The Rules would probably not approve of my casual kissing. Just pointing out that it was casual kissing, which The Rules allows early on. I KNOW, I KNOW. But what was I supposed to do? Pull away? I suppose I could have. Probably my mistake was earlier in the evening, I should have bailed after he got my phone number, or even earlier than that.

He had to leave before I wanted to leave (violation of spirit of Rule #6 and 11, always end phone calls/dates first?) so he asked me to walk him out. I did, and said something silly that unambiguously conveyed my interest. Argggh. He texted me right after he left, and said great to meet me, talk to me soon (I did not return it: Rule #5 and recent web guidelines from the authors that you should not text AT ALL), but have not heard from him since, three full days later.

Let me tell you, it is hard if not impossible to stop talking to a guy you're having a good time with and might actually be hitting it off with, when your alternative is to walk around a depressing room of mainly uninteresting individuals over and over again or go into the bathroom with the paper towel lady and a bunch of random sluts that do not appear to be guests at the party.

But despite my inadvertent Rulebreaking, Guy #3 said many things that indicated truly genuine interest in me. So we will see. Rules say there's no magic time frame for him to call and I can't show any kind of impatience.

[D]on't be surprised if a man takes a week or two after the first date to call. He may have a lot of things going on, or he may be dating other women. He may be trying to fit you into his schedule but just isn't sure how to do it. Remember, he had a life before he met you! Don't flip out! Just get busy (so you don't think about him twenty-four hours a day). Give him space, wait for him to call. -Rule #5: Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls.

If he does wait awhile to call, I am not permitted to be pissy.

[Example Rules Girl] knew that if he liked her, he'd eventually call; if he didn't, it was his loss! Next! When [Example Rules-ed Man] finally called she was nice and friendly. She didn't demand to know why he didn't call sooner and want to talk about it. They dated for ten months and are married now. --Rule #5

And that's that, for now. I really like Guy #3 and I have to say it's somewhat of a relief to blog about it and make it seem less like real feelings and more like for fun. Back to my busy, breezy, happy life wherein I waste lots of time on the internet and am going to have to work lots this weekend to make up for it.