Some of you have commented that this blog is not interesting because I am not writing about dates. I would be writing about dates if I were going on them, but that part is largely outside my control. The Rules prohibit me from doing anything to get a date other than looking my best at all times and hoping somebody likes me.
Needless to say, this is not my usual M.O. I am in my comfort zone when I hone in on some guy and have him get to know my quirky, down-to-earth, irreverent, geeky, non-makeup-wearing and not particularly girly self, make my crush obvious to him, and then engineer situations where something might happen. Using this method, I have about a 75% success rate in making that guy my boyfriend in the end. For the guys who have pursued me unsolicited, they have for the most part pursued quirky, down-to-earth, irreverent, geeky, non-makeup-wearing me.
This experiment turns my dating philosophy on its head, and filters my personality substantially (though I admit I am having a lot of trouble actually implementing the latter part). While I am perfectly confident in my ability to get someone to want to be with me, it's usually closer to the whole ME that they actively want to be with, not just how I appear from across a room. In other words, I do not have confidence that I will attract men passively by smiling at the world and acting breezy in settings that I hate.
A word about my looks, since that is the obvious question that arises from the previous paragraph. I'm a "she's pretty if you like that type" girl. I consider myself above-average looking but do not immediately strike most people as gorgeous. I'm probably never going to be the prettiest girl in the room at these singles events. I do not generally hang out at bars or clubs, and when I do I am infrequently approached. I'm small chested so I can't use my cleavage to get guys to come up to me, and people can look at my long legs and great ass all night without saying a word to me. No - what makes me desirable to men is the combination of my attractiveness and other positive things about me. Sort of like a "hey, a decently good-looking girl who is also smart, funny, and interesting." The Rules do not give me an outlet to showcase the whole package, and therefore I honestly do not anticipate success in getting dates this way.
And I am okay with this. It's a little early to call the dating experiment a wash, but like I said from the get-go, I'm not going to consider this a failure even if not a single guy asks me out in the next six months.
Soooo, while I will mourn the potential loss of my beloved actuarial readership, I simply can't do anything else short of a boob job - which I am not getting any more than I am getting a nose job - to make guys ask me out. I'll try to post more anecdotal stuff to entertain, though, and feel free to keep telling me what's boring. It's helpful to me as a writer, if nothing else.
Small chested? Nothing wrong with that if you have the legs and ass to back it up (like you say you do). You have a really pretty face IMO. Wish I could see the rest, but from the information I have, there's no reason for a chick like you to be alone if you don't want to be alone.
ReplyDeleteWhy do you keep saying you do not have the opportunity to show your personality? I don't think that's true. Although, admittedly, I am not exactly on board with the whole demure thing. I don't want some guy thinking he's getting a southern belle when really he's getting a fiesty yankee who will eventually give him a run for his money in the brains department.
ReplyDeleteBut, I think the point is to apply a filter and not be all-revealing immediately and to be conscientious about not dominating conversations or out-doing your partner--to not try to be the funny girl who captures everyone's attention. But you can still make comments that are funny or smart. BORING IS NOT THE OBJECTIVE! And if you're looking for a smart, funny guy, being smart and funny is almost requisite. Just don't over do it!
BTW, re: 75% success rate,
Is the goal to make someone your boyfriend? Or to have a successful relationship? Just because someone became your boyfriend doesn't mean it was a successful relationship. I wouldn't get the two confused.
-A Practicing Rules Girl
Rulebreaker...
ReplyDelete...I'm kinda obsessed with you...
Obsessed... assuming this is a crush-type obsession as opposed to a murder-stalker-type obsession, it kind of proves my point about the Rules, no?
ReplyDeleteMore like a "I saw your headshot on the actuarial forum and can't get you out of my head" obsessed.
ReplyDeleteFace-wise, you are everything I look for in a girl, lol.
To Practicing Rules Girl: I agree with the distinction between a boyfriend and a successful relationship, but the two relationships I'm thinking of are relationships I'd call successful. They ended due to timing more than anything, at least that's my perspective now.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree that the Rules don't require me to be boring, but I have trouble turning off the quirkiness that makes me lovable to some people and probably annoying to others. This trait of mine is decidedly un-Rules-y. I get the impression that true Rules girls never act in a way that could be perceived as obnoxious, at least not in public settings.
Anonymous, are you going to tell me who you are on AO? My thread seems to have died there, though I still lurk in other threads occasionally.
ReplyDeleteNah, no point. I'm pretty much a lurker on there anyway. I probably have like 5 posts to my name.
ReplyDeleteIf you aren't getting approached in bars/clubs you're either:
ReplyDelete1) Not as attractive as you might think,
but more likely
2) Have a "leave me alone" demeanor when at said bars/clubs. For example, you probably always look like you're miserable when you're there.
Why was my post deleted? :-(
ReplyDeleteI didn't delete any posts - please repost.
ReplyDelete1) I'm not sure how attractive you think I think I am. I don't think I'm that attractive, but I'm secure in my insecurity if you know what I mean. My looks aren't my greatest asset, but they're not bad either.
ReplyDelete2) Entirely possible. I generally do not enjoy bars where you have to scream to hear each other and all there is to do is stand there and drink, and I suck at pretending I'm having a good time. I'm working on it.