Dodgeball Damsel

[W]e strongly suggest that you shake your buns! Join a gym, buy an exercise video, or go jogging in a nearby park (also a great place to meet men who are jogging or walking their dogs).
--The Rules, Chapter IV

Your gestures are soft and feminine ... All your movements ... are fluid and sexy ... You're demure, a bit mysterious.
--Rule #1: Be a "Creature Unlike Any Other"

I have to exercise? But I hate the gym, and it's winter and too cold for a wuss like me to exercise in the park. Rulebreaker responds: coed JCC dodgeball.



And here we truly see the Rules begin to unravel.

My father is a yell at the television kind of guy. I was brought up watching him fixate on the screen, unable to restrain himself from enthusiastic outbursts when our baseball heroes hit homeruns. He is similarly audible when the umpire makes a call against us, or the other team scores. Whether by nature or nurture, I am also a proactive spectator. "IT DIDN'T HIT HIM!" I yell when someone barely dodges a ball and the other team starts pointing fingers. "YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" I cheer when we make a catch to get someone out. Now, there's no chapter on dodgeball (or any team sports, really), but I have a feeling Rules girls would handle things differently. They might clap politely and congratulate their teammates quietly. I am loud.

Nor would Rules girls probably play the actual game the way I do. The Rules thing to do is probably what most of the other girls do - they hang back by the wall and duck, never trying to throw a ball or run out into the crossfire unless they manage to stay in till the end and there are an abundance of balls rolling around. Not me. I suck at dodgeball, but I am in it, damnit. I run around, I play decoy, I play bodyguard for the best players on my team, I get the balls and go right up to the line and my weak arm hurls it with all my might at the nearest adversary.

Arguably my relationship with my dodgeball team is not a Rules-y one and I can be a little flexible with them. (Note: Will post separately on who in my life is subject to the Rules.) However, I act like this in front of all the other teams too. Dodgeball has the largest concentration of eligible Jewish men that I see on a regular basis and I am hopelessly unadulterated for most of the time they see me.

To be clear, I am not intentionally breaking Rules. Every time I pull into the JCC parking lot I tell myself I'm going to tone it down tonight. But within a minute or two after the first whistle blows, I am just having way too much fun to implement my plan.

Being a CUAO is largely about confidence. While dodgeball me --er, real me-- is a bit frenetic, she is nothing if not confident. She is also many other things that apply to a CUAO - happy, at ease, not anxious, not cynical, optimistic. So perhaps there is a tradeoff to be had here. I am not breaking the Rules about initiating conversations, staring (unless I need to peg someone), or acting interested. I wear makeup, contacts, and cute clothes. I also make efforts to be seen in my nice work clothes where possible.And do I really want someone that is turned off by my enthusiasm?

Who knows? Dodgeball is fun, people seem to like me, and I'm making lots of friends. But it hasn't gotten me any dates yet.