But really, not as bad as it could suck, by a long shot. Even when you account for the enhanced embarrassment that occurs when you've blogged about a prospect and then he doesn't call you.
I have mentioned indirectly the self-preservation role that The Rules play. For example, following the Rules has the following benefits that are helpful when dealing with rejection:
- Decreases anxiety by taking decisions out of your hands.
- Encourages acceptance of things you cannot control.
- Prevents you from doing something you could really regret, like sex on the first date or random hookups.
By all accounts I should have been a confident and independent enough woman not to need such contrived tools to become engrossed in my own pursuits. The fact is that I have always lived a full, well-rounded life, but I have never really focused on it on the merits due to feelings of emptiness whenever I don't have a man.
Yes, I wish that I had always been secure enough not to need The Rules. But such is not the state of the world. So I'm happy for the protection they afford me as I navigate the perilous single life for the first time, facing multiple rounds of rejection at every turn.
("At every turn" is currently kind of an exaggeration, I'm just 0 for 3 on getting a real legit date.)
PS, if you're out there, please comment - I'm planning to post some of my rejection stories but it's even harder to put that out there when no one's reading it :)
I'm enjoying your entries and look forward to each update! You and I have very similar personalities, so it's interesting to see how your following The Rules compares to my way of finding "love".
ReplyDeleteI enjoy reading your entries whenever you post them. As an actor, I face rejection every day. Here's what helps me: Remembering that it's not real rejection. If you're on the other side of the casting table - and I have been, when J and I were producing the play last fall - you know that you want to cast everybody who's good, but you can't. If you make it to the callback for a commercial, that's a win. The only reason they'd go with somebody else at that point is, for example, if the guy they want to cast as your husband is shorter than you and it's too distracting, or the kid they want to cast as your daughter looks nothing like you, or you remind the client of his ex-wife. That's not real rejection. Not being cast almost never means they think your audition sucked. I don't know how that applies to romantic rejection, but it could - he might just prefer short, fat, balding ladies over 50 and consider them MILFs :) - I know, unlikely. But I thought I'd throw that thought out there and it might put a bug in your ear.
ReplyDeleteIn any case, please keep posting. As I blogged in a recent entry at http://thenaydays.blogspot.com/2010/02/first-day-back-at-rehearsal-rules.html, I feel kind of alone in the Rules world right now. It boosts my spirits to hear of your experiences!
I like Nay's concept of not "real" rejection. To me, that's the reason we shouldn't be as worried about rejection as we naturally are, and the sense behind the Rules. Not being chosen or pursued is not necessarily commensurate with its opposite, rejection. Yes, it stings, a lot sometimes. But feelings are not facts. (Rules: "Feel what you feel, but do the rules.") Just because you feel rejected, does not mean you were.
ReplyDeleteFor instance, you clearly understand that if you wanted to make something happen with this guy, you could - you'd find reasons to talk to him and something would start. Applying the rules means that we don't do that, we let what happens naturally happen. We sit back and observe. But the guy is not to take this posture of yours as rejection, is he? In one sense (albeit one that ignores the Rules' assumption that men are all natural predators, which I think a significantly simplistic versoin of the truth), you've made as much of a decision here as he has. Thus, the rules are clear that we are not to take offense when men fail to pursue us diligently, wholeheartedly, or at all.
In some ways this might apply more strongly in the dating context than the acting context, because when you're dating, you're not looking for just any man, whereas I presume when you're acting, any gig is a good thing. You're not going to want to date seriously the majority of the people you meet, either.
Also, for the record, I agree that guys are often way more effusive than they mean to be, they imply futures willy nilly and declare intentions that evaporate the next day. But like, that's their bad. Casting directors know better than to say "you're so amazing, we're so lucky you auditioned, we can't wait to have you in this role" before they're sure that the kid they want looks like you. 99% of guys, for some reason, do not operate with that modicum of responsibility. And kudos to us for dealing with that crap graciously. We're awesome. :-)