Read between the lines

• 9 - How to Act on Dates 1, 2, and 3
• "End the date first…especially if you like him. Glance at your watch after two hours (for a drink date) or three or four hours (for a dinner date), simply sigh, and say, 'Gee, this was really great, but I've got a really big day tomorrow.' Don't say what it is you're doing tomorrow. At the end of the first date, you can accept a light peck on the cheek or lips even though you're dying to do more."
• "Anyone can get a one-night stand. In summary, the first three dates should be like 'being and nothingness.' Dress nice, be nice, good-bye and go home. Not too much feeling, investment, or heart."

• 11 - Always End the Date First
• "The first date or two should last no more than five hours."
• "[Ending the date first] must be done because you must leave him wanting more of you, not less. If he wants to know more about you as the date is ending, he can always call you the next day or ask you out again when he drops you off."

• 15 - Don't Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy
• "But what if you like sex a lot too, and denying yourself is just as hard as denying him? Does that mean you can sleep with him on the first or second date? Unfortunately, the answer is still no. You will just have to exercise a bit of self-restraint and character building here and trust that if you hold off for a few weeks or months, you won't be sorry. Why risk having him call you easy (and think of you that way) when he's talking to his buddies in the locker room the next day? Better that he be angry and strategizing ways of seducing you on the next date than moving on to the next girl. Making him wait will only increase his desire and create more passion when you finally have sex whenever you're ready."
• "Now you might argue that you don't mind having sex with him on the first or second date and taking your chances, that it's okay with you if he doesn't call again because you're both grown-ups and you can take your lumps. We know from experience, of course, that most girls who say this are lying to themselves. Deep down inside it's not okay with a woman if she sleeps with a man and he doesn't call…Every woman we know who said it was okay if a man didn't call after sex was actually not okay when he didn't call. When you sleep with him on the second date, you don't really know if he's going to be a gentleman or a creep. Rules girls don't take risks. We wait until we're sure before having sex."

• Chapter 6, Book II: Long-Distance Relationships Part I: How They Should Start
• "[B]ecause you broke The Rules by spending so much time with him, he either never calls, or calls after a week or two just to say hello but doesn't make plans to see you. Or he cals and asks you to fly to [his city] to see him, or makes plans to see you in [your city] but only because he's going to be there on business anyway… Looking back on the evening--and after reading The Rules--you realize that you didn't play hard to get. You spent five straight hours with him. He knew you liked him and the challenge was gone. We're not saying that had you walked away or turned him down a couple of times for dances that he would definitely call and pursue a long-distance relationship…But by not doing The Rules, you lessened your chances, you got your hopes up, and you got emotionally involved and hurt…When you spend four or five hours with a man you just met, he no longer finds you as mysterious or interesting, even if he made the first move. When he goes back home, he may not think you're that special or dream about seeing you again because you were too available… The oly way to know if a man is really interested in you -- instead of just filing up a few hours -- is to not accept a last-minute date. When you make him wait several days to see you or you make him wait until he's in town again a month later, he gets to experience longing. If his feelings about you are just lukewarm, he won't bother to make a date beforehand--by following The Rules, you'll avoid wasting your time and having your hopes dashed later on."
• Here, you're thinking this is true love, and he's thinking sex, sand, and fun for a week.

• Online Rule 17 Dates One, Two, or Three
• "We believe you should then date a man for several months before sleeping with him… Why? Because you don't want to sleep with a man until you are pretty sure it is meaningful. Physical intimacy should happen slowly over a period of six to eight dates, not impulsively on the first or second date, no matter how you feel or how long you've been reading his e-mails and think you 'know' him."

• The Rules for Long-Distance Relationships (Online)
• "The biggest mistake women are making in long-distance relationships is that they are hopping on planes to meet these online guys. Every woman who does this has a good reason, including: … she has friends, relatives, or business in that town… Whatever the reason is, it is not The Rules if you agree to meet a man first under any circumstances…[t]hat puts you in the position of pursuer and allows him to be complacent."
• "Usually when a woman visits a man first or once, it is like taking one sip or one bite of something delicious: It's never a one-time thing. She usually ends up visiting him three or four times until she realizes that he is using her and the relationship is not reciprocal."

"Oops"

Via (ironically) text message--

A Practicing Rules Girl: last night i accidentally accepted a dinner date for tomorrow. ugh. i was trying to make it afternoon coffee and said i had plans l8r. he asked me what time i had 2 b there & i told him 8:30 or 9:00 so he weaseled in dinner at 6pm. he's nice though. i tried. i'll b more clever next time.
Rulebreaker: last night i made out w texting guy for an hour
A Practicing Rules Girl: wha??? who's txting guy? the first guy right? from the jewish parties. lazy man, yes?
Rulebreaker: yes :) just physical, all clothed. oops :)
A Practicing Rules Girl: oops. lol.

Partial topple off the Rules wagon

I think the Rules are starting to piss off this guy, who has neither poofed nor asked me on a proper Saturday night date. I sort of believe he came into my life as blog fodder.

I am by and large rising to his repeated Rules challenges. Most recently, he texted twice after our second date (I did not respond), then called (I was busy and did not pick up). When I called back the next evening, I kicked ASS. He made a couple of jabs at my non-responsiveness ("Oh, I thought we were breaking up"; "Wasn't gonna contact/text you again, thought I might be pestering ya"). I resisted the urge to justify myself beyond "oh, I was out late last night." In fact, after a particularly out-there comment I was just silent! This is big for me. Anyway, he tried to ask me out with his usual hey, book some time for me in your next opening and we can figure out what to do later, and I pushed back, made him try to pick the day, and was less forthcoming about why I couldn't make it on certain days. He suggested a bunch of different times within 4 days of the call including "[weeknight] after 9:30" ("um, that's kind of late for [weeknight]"); and"Saturday during the day if I don't go to [big drunken St. Patrick's day event at local pub]" ("I can't this week" - resisted urge to say "No, I will have to decline your conditional invitation to hang out with me tomorrow and ditch me by nightfall"). He did not suggest this or next Saturday night. Eventually we settled on Tuesday lunch. I ended the call at just over the 10 minute limit.

I was extremely proud of that conversation, although I have to admit it's getting easier to Rules this one because he's exposing himself as a "turd," to use Sherrie and Ellen's word.

So how did I celebrate? I threw the Rules out the window for the rest of the night. Kind of like an ice cream binge after a good weigh-in, I guess.

I hit on the cantor at services; well, by Rules definition I hit on him. I looked at him frequently. I beamed at him whenever he looked at me. During oneg I tried to walk around, but ended up planting myself in a conversation circle Right Next to him. I acted like a little schoolgirl when he talked to me. Hey, I managed not to be the one starting the conversation at least. I expressed interest in attending a class he's teaching. To be fair, it's a class he's teaching at an event I'm already going to. But still. Not my finest Rules hour.

Next, I went to a male friend's house after services with another male friend and a male acquaintance. I was exceedingly flirtatious and affectionate with all of them. I made myself the center of attention, was a sarcastic funny girl, and fished successfully for compliments from them. I even slept on one's shoulder as he drove me home.

In some way, I think my behavior this particular evening demonstrates the internal tug of war I have with the Rules. To my own amazement, I am embracing their spirit more and more each day. But on some level I simply must reject them at the extreme, and as applied to every guy in my life. Hence I rebel. Sometimes silly and boisterous me simply must break through when I am around XY chromosomes.