OK, I finally read the damn thing

Pressing pause on the whole "what is this alleged new six months supposed to be about" dilemma for a moment to tie up some loose ends from my original six months.

Sick of having my arguments against "He's just not that into you" (see, e.g. http://sixmonthsofrules.blogspot.com/search/label/hesjustnotthatintoyou) undermined by having to admit that I never actually read the book, I actually read the book.

I felt more or less about it how I expected to. "Greg" (the self-righteous male author) condescendingly schools us poor hot-but-misguided women how Men are a certain way, brags about his pussy-whipped marriage, and backs up his evidence with shamelessly anecdotal polling of the total douchebags he probably hangs out with. "Liz" (female author) talks about how annoying Greg is, but this ultimately proves a straw man, as it's obvious she's selling it too. And even under the guise of empowerment, the book continuously portrays women as helpless victims by default, always in the role of the dumped and discarded. Not even a mention of the fact that women can be crazy bitches who treat men poorly too? This book makes that seem like a sort of impossibility.

And can I digress for a second about how much I hate the sappy "Hey Gorgeous Woman (that's you!)"? I understand that we should all think of ourselves as attractive, worthy of love, etc., yada yada, but this particular device falls completely flat in this book. I don't want to be told how attractive I am by some smug married dude who has never seen me.

A few decent concepts *are* in there, albeit buried. "Greg" concedes implicitly that "he's just not that into you" is a basic working assumption so that you can move on from guys who, for whatever reason, aren't measuring up. For example:

"He may think he loves you, and maybe he does. But he's really bad at it. And it's exactly the same result as if he was just not that into you."

"He may be really into you, but he's certainly not really compatible with you."

"Mr. I'm Just Not Up For It is exactly the same guy as Mr. I'm Just Not That Into You. One of them may say he can't be with you, but it's still the same result. He isn't going to be with you. Don't let his personal complications confuse you into waiting around for him. He's not able to be really into you. And you deserve better."

So if it's just a mantra, I can dig it - but a less discerning reader might not catch that. I do think it is good to conceptually adjust to the idea of a guy not being that into you. I also think that some women need this mantra more than others. In general, I'm the opposite. I'm more likely to not put up with ANYTHING, and assume that the slightest tiny little thing means someone is just not that into me, throw a fit, threaten to break up, etc. etc. And this book veers a little too far into the realm of "if a guy doesn't do [INSERT ANY WHIM] for you, he's just not that into you." This gives neurotic chicks like me an excuse to go psycho and feel inadequate because no one is fawning over us and casting all of his own needs aside for our every wish. And I - still - think this is a Major Problem with injecting "he's just not that into you" into our culture.

So, maybe "he's just not that into you" just isn't for me - but there was one past relationship that I was constantly reminded of as I read this book. Perhaps only because it's relatively fresh, but I do believe that I diverged from my usual M.O. of "you don't love me because you won't do exactly what I want you to do all the time" to put up with a LOT more from this one guy than I should have. If I had actually allowed myself to believe this man just wasn't that into me - FOR REAL - at any point in the long, tragic path - I could have saved myself some serious pain, anxiety, lost time, pissed-off friends, etc....

Perhaps my favorite line, and the truest: "Your lost self-esteem may take longer to find than a new boyfriend, so prioritize accordingly."

Finally, although I do not buy into some of the generalized presumptions that underlie this book, it has prompted me to notice a few good things in my current relationship that I hadn't noticed previously. Not perfect, but good :) And it is nice to feel true appreciation for a good man who is, at least in some important ways, that into you.