Rule 1771: Banish Hollywood-induced doubt

First, some housekeeping. I'm still working the kinks out of this new experiment. I'm supposed to be making my own rules, right? And rules are supposed to have numbers, right? Does that mean I start with #1? I don't think my life experiences are necessarily going to create rules in the order I would like to inscribe them fully. So what I'm doing is numbering my rules by typing a word or phrase into this nifty little gematria calculator: http://www.gematrix.org and using the "Jewish gematria" value. This is a placeholder, then if this set of six months ever turns into something coherent I can always renumber it. Note: I do not know anything about gematria, it just seems as good a way as any to number my Rules.



Alright, with that said...

Tonight I saw "The Adjustment Bureau." It has a thought-provoking concept that I enjoyed, and overall I think I'm glad I saw the movie even though (a) I am relatively confident that this movie and others like it contribute to the loneliness, anxiety, and general discontent of Gen X and younger (b) its ostensible message is among the most dangerous I have ever seen and (c) it reminded me of a movie I thought I really liked (Serendipity), instilling in me a newfound disgust for that film too.

I'm not going to spoil what I find to be the worthwhile parts of the movie, but I do need to give away a few plot elements (including strong insinuation at the ending) to make my point here. Stop reading if you don't want to know. And to reiterate in case you throw up in your mouth after reading this, the underlying concept of the movie is extremely cool and fun to talk about - other than to someone with whom you're in nebulous romantic territory, but that's another story.

Here is the bit of dialogue I think best captures my grievances about the movie:

Matt Damon: Was it serious?
British actress who is not Kate Beckinsale because that would have been too obvious, but who played a minor role in a couple of other American movies including "Dan in real life": We were engaged.
Matt: So, not really that serious?
[she laughs]
Brit: Right.
Matt: Well, what happened?
Brit: Do you wanna know this?
Matt Damon: Yeah.
Brit: Um...he was a great guy. Brilliant choreographer and dancer and...we had the same group of friends. We'd known each other a long time.
Matt: He sounds great. Why didn't you marry him?
Brit: Because of you. I'm not hopeless romantic. I'd never allow myself to be that way. But once I felt, even for a moment what I felt with you, you ruined me. I didn't want to settle for less.
Matt: I know the feeling.
Brit: Scares the shit out of me.
Matt: I'm not gonna hurt you.
Brit: You don't need to say that.
Matt: I'm not gonna hurt you. This is the first time in...in twenty five years that I don't feel like I'm by myself.
Brit: Ooph! That's an awful lot of responsibility for me. I don't know if I'm quite comfortable with that.
[they both laugh]
Matt: Too late.

Now, of course, at the time Not Kate Beckinsale decides not to get married because of Matt Damon, she had spent all of twelve minutes with him?

Not Kate, if you don't want to marry the guy, don't marry him. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You might not even know why you don't want to marry him. Fine. *Don't marry him.* But to delude yourself into thinking that the true sources of your doubt is the fantasy you lived out on a city bus and in a men's bathroom (where you were hiding from the authorities for a transgression that is portrayed as adorable and intriguing but in reality would probably come across as deranged) - that's some serious projection.

But the thing is, those transparently-absurd moments romance in mediocre scripts not only inject doubt into the mind of the not-particularly-compelling character - they inject doubt into our minds too. Even if our conscious minds know better. Recognizing this reality disconnect is the first step. Where to go from there? Here are some initial thoughts:

How to banish:
-Watch something that has nothing to do with romance.
-Watch Fiddler on the Roof - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_y9F5St4j0
-Think of your favorite down-to-earth happy couple.

Challenges:
-Banishing these negative and unrealistic portrayals while also allowing yourself to be inspired by depictions of love

Related rules/concepts:
-Don't compare yourself to other people's relationships

Alright, there goes my first Rulemaking entry. Stay tuned, and feel free to give thoughts...