Anyhow, they coin this creature term and then later on sometimes abbreviate it CUAO, which is a little Rachael Ray for my taste.
I'm not sure how they came up with the name, but it is the Rules's version of total and complete self-confidence, a central theme.
Being a creature unlike any other is a state of mind...[it] is really an attitude, a sense of confidence and radiance that permeates your being from head to toe. It's the way you smile (you light up the room), pause in between sentences (you don't babble on and on out of nervousness), listen (attentively), look (demurely, never stare), breathe (slowly), stand (straight), and walk (briskly, with your shoulders back).
I like it in concept. I also like how they give you actual things to practice to develop this sense, unlike many self-improvement "think positive" concepts thrown at you with little concrete to tie to it. Though, it is interesting how all these creatures unlike any other have to be exactly the same.
I skipped charm school, so I really will have to practice these. I made a concerted effort to walk briskly back from the bathroom to my office all day today, but that's about all the opportunity I had. In terms of lighting up a room, I generally do it with my bubbliness and excitement and intense positive energy, but I'm going to have to find another way under the Rules.
Creature-ness is about pretending to feel really, really good about yourself even when you don't, so that eventually, you do.
If you think you aren't pretty, if you think other girls are better dressed or thinner or cooler, you keep it to yourself. You tell yourself 'Any man would be lucky to have me,' until it sinks in and you start to believe it.
The second book has a chapter (30) devoted to how "The Rules Are a Healthy Way of Life."
By not pursuing men or allowing yourself to rationalize staying in a dependent or destructive relationship, you automatically become a healthier, more grounded and self-empowered person. You're not a nervous wreck, trying to get a man who isn't interested in you to love you or begging the man you are dating to make a commitment.
That rings very true to me. Hopefully this clarifies some of why I think these six months are as worthwhile, if not more, than an artificial forced dating hiatus. Creature-ness, Rule #1, is the essence of that, however weird it sounds.
Speaking of six months, apparently I magically conjured up the recommended amount of time. From Rule #31: Don't discuss The Rules with your therapist (phrased as a "strong suggestion" but not an outright forbiddal):
We suggest you try The Rules for six months before doing anything else.
The six months part amuses me, but I'm not sure what is meant by "anything else." Like a conflicting set of dating rules? I can't think of one, it's more like you follow the Rules, you follow relaxed Rules, or you don't follow Rules.
Nervous babbling and complaining out, optimism and brisk movement in. Off I go into creature-ness land.
"From Rule #34: Don't discuss The Rules with your therapist..."
ReplyDeleteThis rule sounds a bit like a cult...or fight club.
Indeed. If you read the chapter it makes clear that the Rules are just insecure about themselves. They don't want you to tell your therapist, because then you'll stop doing them because the therapist will probably tell you they're stupid.
ReplyDeleteThat therapist bit struck me as odd; is the author of the Rules concerned the therapist might persuade you to deviate from the rules, that they're unfounded hogwash? Perhaps similar to a homeopathic practitioner urging someone not to tell their physician about these all natural thousand-year-old-secret herbs?
ReplyDeleteD'oh. Ninja'ed.
ReplyDeleteGuess the Rules are predictable, too :)
ReplyDeleteLove the comparison of homeopathic rememdies to modern/western medicine. yes, i think that's precisely it! no need to get a bunch of negative commentary to drag you down, especially when the commentary is not necessarily because it won't work, but because it's not accepted in the mainstream. Thanks for sharing that!
ReplyDeleteIt's also kind of like the idea of only telling friends who you know will support you about any big, over-the-top dreams or plans you may have. No sense of those who can't believe destroying it for you before you ever get started because they are too practical/negative and you let that get in your head and derail you. Some people actually do make their dreams come true, obviously! And I think it's because they either have an constitution of steel or they simply don't let their friends and family (and therapists) ruin it for them!
Here's some neuroscience relevant to the "creature unlike any other" mantra: High Self-Perception, Low Brain Activity
ReplyDeleteThat rule tries to turn two negatives into a positive. Ignored insecurity = security? No. The thing you need to let go is this perception of performance... I just get this vibe that you're supposed to hit the ground running and never give up... We're talking about dating, right? Who are these women competing with? Each other for the right man? The man himself? Their overbearing mothers? Suddenly rule 31 makes sense...
ReplyDelete