"The Rules" versus "He's Just Not That Into You" (part 1)

So, I told my friend about my blog, and we had a little chat about the Rules versus the nouveau "He's Just Not That Into You," which I will likely have to expound upon once I have read that book, something I've avoided doing for reasons I talk about below. Note that the authors of "The Rules" have embraced the concept of "He's Just Not That Into You" to some extent, but I don't really think that's necessary to the Rules themselves.

Friend: I'll read [the book]

still not sure I understand the Rules

I mean, the fundamental idea is that the guy needs to pursue you, right?

but that doesn't mean you can't make your interest known, and reciprocate, right?

seriously, I am confused over this

to me, the idea behind the Rules is similar to "he's just not that into you" - that a guy will make it clear if he's interested, and if he's not making it clear, then the girl should chill

or am I equating the Rules with "he's just not that into you" in a way that is unwarranted?

Sent at 11:51 AM on Thursday

me: i think it's unwarranted

but i will discuss

in blog

i think it's an interesting topic

i have to read "he's just not that into you"

i've watched the movie which i understand is different from the book

but from what i know they are two entirely different concepts

that people conflate

Friend: yeah, that's probably right

the movie sucked

I also have not read the book

me: people swear by it

i will read it as part of this experiment i think

Friend: from what I understand of that concept, which is likely different than the Rules, I think it makes a lot of sense

me: but i'm trying to sort of just RE-VAMP my perception of this whole world

Friend: which I fully support

me: "he's just not into you" does not provide any action

Friend: did you tell FRIEND1 and FRIEND2 about this?

me: no

and don't plan to

only plan to tell possibly friends far away

i may tell them eventually

Friend: got it

me: anyway

"he's just not that into you" is a concept i sort of hate as compared to the rules

the rules is, it doesn't matter what the reason is - you just behave a certain way

that i can apply

he's just not that into you is trying to give you a reason that is just not always true

like, the rules says the reason doesn't matter, and i like that

Friend: so it's sort of like BEHAVIORAL THERAPY

me: INDEED

Friend:

me: whereas

i don't think "he's just not that into you" has much to offer

except telling you to let gi

go

which like,

DUH

i mean duh

we shouldn't obsess

Friend: right but everyone does

me: the rules "next!" is much more empowering to me than the he's just not that into you "next!"

Friend: fair enough

me: and the rules are meant to empower - like, for whatever reason, this guy isn't up to snuff

i am a creature unlike any other

i deserve to be treated better

therefore, next!

whereas

he's just not that into you is like

"he doesn't like you, don't beat yourself up about it"

which is small comfort at best

and actually i find would lead to more obsession

about WHY HE'S NOT THAT INTO ME

SATC fucked that up for me

Friend: so, in that way, maybe the Rules are just a stronger version of the message? and more focused on you being awesome and deserving better, than on the guy not liking you

me: but the rules takes it out of your hands and out of your brain

he's just not that into you ...

doesn't really do much for me

it's like,

it's still in your brain

and sort of depressing

i understand you're supposed to be confident enough to accept that truth about the universe

but i am action-oriented

even if the action is inaction

Friend: right

that all makes sense

me: can i post this anonymously to my blog?

Friend: SURE