I don't really know what to write other than, I think I got prematurely excited about facebook guy, who has basically canceled or changed up both nights this weekend, and who hasn't asked to see me again even though he knows I'm going out of town for a week. The 2nd cancellation was pretty good practice for me at being light and breezy in the face of disappointment. I don't think I was 100% successful. It just caught me off guard. It was a good reason I suppose, I just wasn't expecting it. And there's always that nagging "he wouldn't have even thought of canceling or changing for any reason if he was that into you."
I really really like fb guy, but I'm not a huge fan of how things went down re this weekend. His pattern indicates he'll call tomorrow or Sunday, but I had really looked forward to seeing him all week, and now I have no clue when I'm going to again. I feel like maybe I need to step back from this even if he does call. This feels quite unpleasant!
I would say I've bent the Rules with fb guy but not completely broken them. I haven't let things get too far physically, I haven't talked about relationship stuff at all. I've let him do all the calling and all the planning to the extent it's possible at all. But I stay out on dates for a long time, it hasn't been entirely clear who's ended the date, etc., and I pretty much act like I like him a lot.
The hard part about this experiment is that when things go south, the Rules wants me to blame my Rules failures. And that ends up translating into blaming myself. There's some internal tension between the implicit "you fucked up the Rules and he poofed" and the "he'll either love you or he won't," both of which are clearly present undertones in the books.
I'm not gonna lie, this shit is hard! But I'll feel better in the morning. I have awesome friends and a cool house and new boots.
Aw, RB. I know this is hard! And I don't know if this means anything to you from someone who grew up Catholic and is religiously eclectic now (nor whether it'll seem creepy from a fairly damaged person whom you only know anonymously over the Internet), but I've been including you in my prayers, that FB Guy will work out and you'll be happy. That's partly selfish on my part, because I want more than anything for CC to pursue ME, and if you're doing The Rules and you end up with the guy you want most of all, then there's hope for me and I should keep Rules-ing CC and not be afraid he'll see it as rejection and poof. (And this is the guy who's been a running romantic shooting-script in the back of my head for 20 years!! He would be PRETTY darn hard to get over.)
ReplyDeleteEllen herself has said, on her website, that when she met her new husband Lance, she "bent" a Rule. Specifically, I think she broke The Wednesday Rule. So she's saying you can sometimes bend The Rules - just keep working on yourself, I think, building up your own confidence (and if you read my blog, I have a huge challenge in that area given what I grew up with, and if I can keep on going, anyone can), and coming across as breezy and as the best catch in the world that your guy can hope to have. Keep training yourself (and I'll keep fighting to train MYself) to think of yourself that way, and he will too.
I don't know what else to say - except I wish you weren't sad, and I hope circumstances don't let you stay that way for long!!
(Oh, and a little footnote you might appreciate: I usually get what I pray for, or something better! Maybe it's the Hindu-type meditation hippie mojo I practice. ;) So, buck up. I think better days are ahead!)
ReplyDeleteYou're too awesome of a person (cool house, awesome friends, and new boots are all proof!) to allow for any self-doubt or belief in Rules-karma to shape your impression of his actions. Yes, it sucks if it appears that he has poofed -- which you don't know for sure -- but rationalizing that it's your fault or bc of breaking rules will get you nowhere, especially since your personal happiness is at stake.
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