It is useful information to me to know that I still tend to be really anxious about not knowing when I'll next see or hear from someone I like. And then when I get anxious, I start to get anxious that I really like the person. And then that makes me more anxious.
Of course, this makes no logical sense. As a divorced person (thankfully I didn't end up having to put *this* on my mortgage paperwork), I more than many others my age know that the proposition of knowing you will be with someone forever is inherently false. Someone can stop loving you after making that commitment. Or they can get hit by a bus. One cannot live life trying to derive personal security from external sources that circumstances can always take away. The only place to find that is within.
Suffice to say, panicking that I don't know when a guy is going to call me for a fifth date--at 3:15 AM twenty minutes after the fourth date ended in making out against the door of my front coat closet--is among the most absurd reactions I've had recently. But I'm sort of glad I documented it.
On a totally and completely unrelated note, what does a Rules Girl do with a guy who leaves the toilet seat up in his house and my house? I have actually never dated a toilet-seat-leaver-upper before. My tentative answer: say nothing until you're in a relationship, then only if you care about it a lot.
RB, EVERYBODY panics about those things when they really like someone! :) Totally normal. Granted, I'm not the most normal person in the world (and I'd never want to be - I want the social benefits that normal people get, but I wouldn't want to actually BE normal) - but even I know this.
ReplyDeleteI find askmen.com an interesting website to check out about this kind of stuff, too. Men are given so much advice about things like HOW to make the first move, what various behaviours from women may mean, etc. Seems that they're just as lost as we are!
You know, oddly, you're not the only blog lately in which I've read a message about finding happiness within. Seems to be an ongoing theme.
That said, you're right, permanence of a relationship is an illusion - but there IS that better-to-have-loved-and-lost concept. What IS permanent - more or less - is your experience of the relationship, its memories, and its lessons.
Toilet seat: I think The Rules for Marriage has a lot to say about things like that. :)
Glad you're feeling better. (And I remain optimistic about FB Guy!)
anxious anxious anxious anxious anxious
ReplyDeleteI know...I just commented on one of CC's photos inviting him to message me for a good story it reminded me of and he commented on my profile pic, posted to my wall, and messaged me. I messaged him back this morning and included a query whether there was any chance he had Skype...and it's been 108 whole minutes and he hasn't responded! So I *know* that irrational anxiety right now.
ReplyDeleteWell, that means you're capable of liking someone - as you yourself have observed - right? :)