Even the Rules acknowledge that you might happen to notice someone at a party whom you would like to approach you - you're just not allowed to do things to make that happen, including eye contact.
But it's hard not to look, if only to convince myself that there are people who are Jewish and unmarried and over 30 and decent-looking and don't look to be complete tools. (If I'm at a non-Jewish event, I will pretty much be pleased with "don't look to be complete tools.") Tonight, for example, the guy I had my eye on was talking to another guy so intently and for so long I started to wonder if he was gay.
Not looking is the one thing I continue to fail miserably at, whether it be facebook profile-stalking, facebook RSVP stalking, or looking at guys at parties. However, I think I will get better at it in time. Even now, about a month in, Rules behaviors are starting to become more natural little by little. I'm more comfortable sitting with silence if the guy isn't initiating conversation. I'm finding it more conceivable to strike the balance of wit and femininity when I respond. Sometimes I even feel as if I'm achieving a slight aura of mystery.
This is so even where my damn friend ruins it by telling a horrifically embarrassing story in front of a table full of people that paints me in a very negative, psycho-bitch light. Surely I am being tested on accepting the things I can't control.
Even where I am disappointed by my failure to magnetically attract anyone or by an event's sheer inherent hopelessness (e.g. dinner mingler where you are assigned tables for each course. Table 1: 1/6 men. Table 2: 0/6. Table 3: 1/5), I almost always feel like I have gained something. Each Jewish event I go to is easier because of the people I met at the last one. People are starting to recognize me. The prohibition on approaching men leads me to approach and cultivate conversations with women.
I was going to say I wish I had more interesting stories to tell, but I'm not sure I do. I'm doing my own thing right now. I still have my moments of unpleasant thoughts, but they are decreasing inversely with my newfound ability to be content without imminent love prospects. When I want to contact some guy, I just tell myself I can do it in August if I still want to. In all likelihood, I won't.
I sometimes have interesting immediate stories and I sometimes go into past Rules mistakes and what it's taught me for my present situations. More introspective, but I think still valuable. I'd be interested in hearing some from you too if you're so inclined. And I think The Rules are mostly about changing an inner attitude, and your last paragraph suggests that that's happening for you. That's terrific!
ReplyDeleteIn audition workshops, we're told that the only part of the audition process over which we have control is our performance. Likewise I think with The Rules. The only part of this process over which we can have a certain amount of control is our behaviour - and by extension over time, our attitude. You sound like you're on the right track.
Rules-Breaker? I don't know... It sounds like you're really getting the hang of this and starting to see the merit of it too.
ReplyDeleteI agree that the best benefit I've gotten from the Rules so far is more value of/ appreciation for myself. I am happier and healthier.
And I will say that recently, i had a little Rules hiatus--yes, i fell off the wagon and you know what? Things started going amiss and I started getting drawn in checking my email 3-5 times per day and obsessing. That's garbage. It didn't feel good *and* it was starting to make me less effective in other areas of my life.
So, I am officially back on my game. When I am, I definitely feel better about myself and am happier in general. I think that's the best benefit a person could possibly get.
And as a bonus, being happier and feeling better about yourself makes you more attractive. After all, who would walk into a room and say, "gee, I wonder who that lovely neurotic woman is over there? i think I'd like to be with her the next time she blows a gasket and melts down?" yeah, didn't think so.
I choose "happy and busy"! =)
-A Practicing Rules Girl
This sounds great. I am really coming around to the Rules way of life that you describe, though I had my doubts at the beginning of the blog. Being newly single, it's encouraging to follow your experience and progress!
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