2. I turned matching on on eharmony for their free communication weekend and am communicating with one guy (he "requested" communication first, of course). Applying The Rules to eharmony is damn near impossible, as the whole point of that service is to spill your entire personality out on the table before you even meet. The best I could do was be "light and breezy," and "less is more." (See Online Rule #3). I waited 24 hours to respond to the first and second communications, but did the relaxed 4 hour rule for the third communication (Plan B: Until You Can Do The Rules 100 Percent):
If, by his fourth e-mail, a man hasn't suggested meeting, don't e-mail him again. --Rules of Online Dating, Rule #1: If He Doesn't Ask You Out within Four E-mails, Delete/Next!
We understand that 24 hours can seem like forever when you are e-dating a new prospect, so wait at least four hours so you don't seem desperate.
The third e-harmony communication step is to select 3 open-ended questions to ask the person. I picked three "light and breezy" ones to ask him, and he picked some real cheap shots like "What have you learned from past relationships?" I attempted to be light and breezy in response, but I did say something arguably off-putting in my last communication. Would not be surprised if he doesn't write back, and highly unlikely I'm going to pay for eharmony right now.
3. I met a guy at a Jew party. He started talking to me first but it wasn't a straight on "approach" as we were both in the same conversation with mutual friends. I was unfortunately not particularly Rules-y with him. For example, I broke the hell out of Rule #1:
If a man approaches you, you smile and answer his questions very nicely without saying too much. You're demure, a bit mysterious. You leave him hungry for more, as opposed to bored. After a few minutes you say, "I think I'll walk around now."
I'm never going to be the type of mysterious they're going for here. It's just not me. However, I think there's a different kind of mysterious that I can achieve - a sharp, quick-witted version that can also be intriguing. I tried to be this version of myself, generally succeeding. He certainly seemed intrigued. And I didn't offer up my life story, I waited for him to ask questions and I answered, and didn't ask too many questions of him. There was a lot of banter, which I don't think is strictly Rules-y. Then again, I think the Rules authors probably suck at banter. Sorry, coy banter is the best I can do at mysterious, at least for now. I didn't bare my soul or talk about anything remotely personal.
Also, I'm never going to say "I think I'll walk around now," who does that? I did excuse myself to go to the restroom once, and stopped to talk to other people a few times. I did not do this enough, as I talked to him for stretches lasting longer than a few minutes. When I did step away, we would always find each other pretty quickly and start talking again. I never approached him but it also just seemed like we naturally found our way back to each other when we got separated. He made it clear early on that he wanted to ask me out, so it seemed ok that he didn't ask for my phone number until later in the evening, despite the Rules's indication that you should try to make like you're leaving so he will ask you for it, afraid he won't see you again.
During these conversations our body language kept getting more intimate, and then ... he KISSED ME. I kissed him back because I liked him. It was about a 3-5 second kiss, which I do not consider "making out." In the spirit of Rule #14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date.
Let him kiss you on the first date, but nothing more. Keeping it to a kiss will force him not to think of you as just a physical object...So the less you do physically, the better.
Ok, I get that we were not on a date, so The Rules would probably not approve of my casual kissing. Just pointing out that it was casual kissing, which The Rules allows early on. I KNOW, I KNOW. But what was I supposed to do? Pull away? I suppose I could have. Probably my mistake was earlier in the evening, I should have bailed after he got my phone number, or even earlier than that.
He had to leave before I wanted to leave (violation of spirit of Rule #6 and 11, always end phone calls/dates first?) so he asked me to walk him out. I did, and said something silly that unambiguously conveyed my interest. Argggh. He texted me right after he left, and said great to meet me, talk to me soon (I did not return it: Rule #5 and recent web guidelines from the authors that you should not text AT ALL), but have not heard from him since, three full days later.
Let me tell you, it is hard if not impossible to stop talking to a guy you're having a good time with and might actually be hitting it off with, when your alternative is to walk around a depressing room of mainly uninteresting individuals over and over again or go into the bathroom with the paper towel lady and a bunch of random sluts that do not appear to be guests at the party.
But despite my inadvertent Rulebreaking, Guy #3 said many things that indicated truly genuine interest in me. So we will see. Rules say there's no magic time frame for him to call and I can't show any kind of impatience.
[D]on't be surprised if a man takes a week or two after the first date to call. He may have a lot of things going on, or he may be dating other women. He may be trying to fit you into his schedule but just isn't sure how to do it. Remember, he had a life before he met you! Don't flip out! Just get busy (so you don't think about him twenty-four hours a day). Give him space, wait for him to call. -Rule #5: Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls.
If he does wait awhile to call, I am not permitted to be pissy.
And that's that, for now. I really like Guy #3 and I have to say it's somewhat of a relief to blog about it and make it seem less like real feelings and more like for fun. Back to my busy, breezy, happy life wherein I waste lots of time on the internet and am going to have to work lots this weekend to make up for it.
[Example Rules Girl] knew that if he liked her, he'd eventually call; if he didn't, it was his loss! Next! When [Example Rules-ed Man] finally called she was nice and friendly. She didn't demand to know why he didn't call sooner and want to talk about it. They dated for ten months and are married now. --Rule #5
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