- I automatically scope and find the guy or guys I could be interested in as soon as I get to the party or event. I look for wedding rings, then female appendages. If I do not find either, the person in question gets added to the mental list and it is extremely difficult for me not to pay attention to where that guy is and what he's doing for the rest of the evening. That gets into Rule-breaking territory, because I'll be looking at him or subtly putting myself in his general vicinity.
- This generally applies even if the pickings are slim. In such cases I will find myself focusing on the pasty guy wearing the absurd sweater with buck teeth just because he's not quite as old and fat as the rest of the people in the room. Not because I want to go out with him, but because I am bored. (This particular large-toothed individual did not ask for my number, by the way, although he did approach a conversation I was already having with someone else and then left after three minutes.)
At the superbowl party I quickly zeroed in on a dark-haired guy in glasses. I stared at him whenever I thought he wasn't looking, and thought I caught him looking at me a couple of times. But aside from wayward glances, I followed the Rules - I moved around the party from room to room at natural intervals, and did not sit next to him or introduce myself to him.
At the end of the party, I was helping my friend clean up and dark-haired guy and his friend came up to us to say goodbye. I hadn't officially met either of them so the friend introduced himself. Then dark-haired guy did, with was one of those handshakes that was a little on the long side, and a smile and a gaze to match.
When he walked away, my friend whispered "is he Jewish?" and I girlishly replied "I don't know!" She bounces off and ASKS the guy if he's Jewish. He says no, and then asks why. My friend says "oh, I thought you were cute, and my friend over there is single but she only dates Jewish guys." Apparently his response was "Damn, should have said I was Jewish!"
Is it breaking the Rules for my friend to do that unsolicited? I think it would have been if I had told her to do it, but she did it of her own accord. In any case, this is sadly the closest thing I've had to success so far. I sort of protested to my friend that I would have dated him anyway and that she shouldn't have told him I only dated Jewish guys. She chided me for this response, and was probably right. What I probably wanted was not so much to date him, but to blog about dating him. But at this juncture, can I ethically do the Rules on non-Jews that I know there's only a .01% chance I'd actually marry? Especially if the probability of my marrying crazy sweater guy is less than that despite his membership in the tribe?
So, I know you are going to say that this is not necessarily a "rules" success, but it sure does feel like a success, doesn't it? He noticed you without you having to plant your self in his face. To me, that would feel much better than maneuvering myself so that he couldn't help but notice (for better or worse).
ReplyDeleteRe: your friend,
*You* didn't break the rules, but she obviously doesn't get it. I guess as long as it doesn't look like you put her up to it, no harm done. But there is high risk playing like that. Eventually someone will assume you did put her up to it which might be embarassing and make you look a little desperate.
Good work overall, though! Who knows, you might get a date before the six months is up after all!?!
Rule #25: Practice, practice, practice!
ReplyDeleteThe more you go out with anyone, no matter who they are, the more you get a chance to practice "the Rules." Much easier done when it's low stakes (with someone you know you're not going to end up with) and then it'll be easier when you meet someone you really do like.
On the other hand, I essentially for an acquaintance what your friend did to you at a SuperBowl party. But my acquaintance CLEARLY wasn't rules-ing this guy, and he actually seemed sorta into her. Might as well help that along.
I absolutely agree with the above - you didn't break any Rules! I had a similar thing happen to me yesterday, which I'm about to blog about - a new acquaintance actually said to the guy I'm Rules-ing that she "had you two married" - in my presence - and we both blushed and had to joke our way out of that. Unfortunately, we can't control the embarrassing and Rule-breaking things other people may do!
ReplyDeleteCool - can I see your blog? If it's public we could trade links.
ReplyDeleteUnlike the previous posters, I definitely think you broke the rules. A quick recap
ReplyDelete"I quickly zeroed in on a dark haired guy..."
As I understand it, the rules are designed to allow the men to give chase (and get the emotional satisfaction of "getting the girl"). It doesn't matter if you approach the guy or a friend of yours does, the effect is the same. For all the guy knows, you are not only forward, but you are chicken as well and have your friends do your dirty work for you (he doesn't know you didn't ask her to do it).
I think this stems from your previous (and still current) attitude of always being on "the hunt" for a guy. Your friends know this about you, so they are going to try and help your goal, which is counter-productive to your new Rules-goals.
And finally, I personally don't think you should be dating a guy that you know with 99.9% certainty won't end up as your husband. Why waste his and your time? And I definitely don't think it fits into the rules, as they are designed to find you a mate right? Not just a fun relationship.
Cool, here's the permalink if you want to follow me - http://thenaydays.blogspot.com/2010/02/other-peoples-rules.html. But as becomes clear in my blog, I really am trying hard to stay anonymous!!! Otherwise, my new Rules efforts would be blown totally out the window....
ReplyDeleteIf you're dating pool is limited only to attractive Jewish guys you might as well limit your dating pool down to the indominable snowman. Cause the probability of meeting either is about the same.
ReplyDeletelol
ReplyDeleteWhat about an ugly, non-jewish guy? Do I have a shot?
Indominable snowman? Do you mean the abominable snowman?
ReplyDeletehttp://ericboggs.files.wordpress.com/2007/03/bumble1.jpg
"Attractive" is a subjective term. I have dated 6 attractive Jewish guys according to my definition, and I have no reason to think I am suddenly incapable of finding another one.
Ugly non-Jewish guy can help me practice the Rules, but probably not much more. :) Like I said though, ugliness is subjective. Who knows if I would think you're ugly?
ReplyDeleteBrody: I did break the Rules to the extent I stared and made eye contact, but I don't think the initial zeroing in was a problem.
ReplyDeleteAnd there was a subtlety to what my friend did that arguably did not break the Rules - she said "I thought you were cute" not "my friend thought you were cute." Whether the guy believed that I sent her or not is anybody's guess. Fix-ups are perfectly consistent with the Rules :)
By "practing the rules" do you mean anything kinky? ;-)
ReplyDelete