Ass out of you and me

One thing I've noticed on a fairly consistent basis is that everyone thinks if Guy X doesn't contact you within a certain period of time, he's never going to. That is, your friends will write the guy off as poofed after this magic amount of time, which my anecdotal experience suggests is approximately a week. Trying to take my cues from these vibes, albeit implicit (except when I posted the question on the loveshack forums awhile back), I have likewise assumed (see title) that a poof has taken place after about a week, sometimes less.

Thus far, I have been 100% wrong.

The Rules invented the concept of "poof," but (as I think I've said before), it's abstract. They pointedly do not prescribe a time period after which you are permitted to assume that the guy's not going to contact you again. When they discuss poofing in the book, they are always talking about long-ago lessons learned by girls who broke the Rules, a la "she broke the Rules, and never heard from him again. Poof!" But generally the girls used as examples in the Rules books are now Rules girls who despite their former transgressions, eventually applied the Rules correctly and found Rules husbands. There are no unhappy endings in the pages of the Rules.

If you think about it, the general lack of a timeline fits. You're not supposed to sit around and wonder if so-and-so is going to call tonight. You're supposed to live your damn life, and who really cares how long it takes him to call? Someone else will call sooner and he'll lose out. As long as you follow the Rules, you're not going to end up with him if he doesn't totally love you, so kick back, relax, and let the best man win!

The Rules only starts the "clock" when you become exclusive with someone. At that point the timeline is important, and you are only allowed to give him a year to pop the question. This also makes sense, because when you are in a committed relationship you are losing out on dating and possibly finding someone else.

But we're nowhere near there yet.

Living my single life without regard to whether guys I think might call me call me is easier said than done, of course. I suffer a moment or two of disappointment every night when I don't hear from anyone. For anyone who's counting, that's a moment or two of disappointment every night except three for the past month.

Some recent strange mixed resurrections that have gone on in my life:

• Facebook guy, after I whined to my friends all weekend about how he hadn't contacted me since, facebook messaged me Sunday night.
• Texting guy, after our lengthy PG makeout session last week, called me Monday night. I broke the Rules and called him back an hour later when I was done with my meeting. I left a voicemail saying I was returning his call. He has not called back, three days later. WHO DOES THAT?
  
• Dodgeball guy who e-mailed me randomly in January and failed the four-email requirement e-mailed me randomly again. ???? Even stranger, I'm pretty sure that guy had a girlfriend the last time I saw him. This raises the question of whether I get a four-email reboot with this guy. If he's even trying to date me at all.
  

Speaking of resurrections, although not prospects, my bizarrely brilliant ex-boyfriend found a way to give me a little closure. After over four months of no contact whatsoever aside from that random party, he nominated me for something without telling me, (likely) knowing I would have to call to find out my nominator's name in order to actually apply. I was shocked and annoyed at first. It sank in shortly thereafter and I realized that it was actually quite predictable coming from him. When I woke up the next morning, I felt an indescribable lifting of my feelings of resentment. In packing up my house to move in two days (!), I encountered some sentimental items that three days ago, I would have ripped up or burned. Instead, I just put them in a box with some other sentimental things from family and friends without any wrenching feelings or unpleasantness.

There are a couple of other tiny little things going on with me, but I'll save those for a post I can tie them into the theme of. Interestingly, I'm finding myself in a recursion - the Rules is making me happier and happier with me, but the happier and happier I get with me, the less I feel like I need the Rules and the harder it is to do them because I feel like I'm confident enough to handle the rejection I was previously trying to avoid. Um, I suppose this is also what happens with people and anti-psychotic drugs.

I have started slipping on Rules in various ways as of late:

• The obvious one, flirting shamelessly and making out with texting guy.
• Texting texting guy back when he sent me a post-make-out text (after 24 hours and just a smiley face).
• Calling texting guy back after an hour.
  
• Messaging facebook guy back after 12 hours instead of 24 (on the second round).
• Responding to Dr. eharmony's guided communication twice after 12 hours instead of 24. (This is a doctor I'm on round 3 of guided communication with. I am long overdue for an eharmony post.)
• Being RIDICULOUSLY un-Rules-y with that friend I posted about before.
  
• Having other strong urges to break the Rules and feeling less motivated by my 6-month commitment or my blog not to.
  

I have even thought more than once over the past week or so, maybe I should free myself from this self-imposed incarceration at 3 months.

I think I'll incorporate much more of the Rules into my life once I'm done with my six months, but there are definitely certain things I will do differently. But I won't know unless I keep trying. So that's what I'm going to do. But I'm probably going to fail a little more than I would have a month ago :)