As someone in the legal profession, and someone who aware if not totally observant of Jewish law, it is just natural to me that laws, including these "Rules," have to be interpreted. Some of the Rules are absolute. Like, if a guy calls me on a Thursday (Rule 7), I turn him down. Period. Others are squishy. Don't Open Up Too Fast (Rule 19) is obviously more difficult.
But I haven't even gotten to the Rules yet. The "you as a product" chapter I just posted about is not itself a "rule" precisely for the reason that putting the best "you" together is so extremely subjective that it could not possibly be expressed in rule form. Its point is (as one commenter pointed out), look and act your best. No one could apply every sentence from that chapter.
I interpreted that chapter to the best of my ability and am applying it as much as possible. I cleaned out my entire closet yesterday, enlisting the help of a Rules-y friend. I'm wearing makeup every day, but not wearing a lot of makeup because I don't think it makes me look my best. Most of the rest of them I even questioned was more about my capability of complying rather than my intent to comply. I'm not really that neat and clean, and I'm also really funny and outgoing. I do intend to comply - I might fall short from time to time, is all, because it doesn't come naturally to me. If it did, this blog would be boring!
OK, the one I arguably dismissed out of hand was the nose job one. Does anyone really believe that because I refuse to get a nose job, I am picking and choosing which rules I want to follow? :)
By any reasonable expectation, no, the lack of a nose job isn't an indication you're picking and choosing. I think the gist here is simply making yourself 'attractive.'
ReplyDeleteA personal anecdote regarding the entire experiment: like you, I found myself hopping from monogamous relationship to monogamous relationship for at least six years without much of a break in between. The relationships crashed and burned fairly quickly. It wasn't until I stepped back, swore off dating for over a year, and re-evaluated who and what I was looking for before I found my wife. While 'the Rules' may help you find a companion, if they don't, consider taking a break - a lengthy one - before diving back in.
Well if you don't get the nose job, consider giving another kind of job. I am sure most men will be glad for that trade-off :)
ReplyDeleteZugZug - thanks. You've hit on my main problem with the Rules, which is that it's extremely focused on what men want and not what I want. It sort of presumes that what I want is a man who will treat me well - which is true in the end, but I also want a man who adores geeky funny quirky me who trips on things and who I can sing around and play video games with. I just don't think the Rules will get me this kind of relationship, but maybe I'm wrong. We will see. A hiatus may be in order at some point, but this really seems like the right direction for now. Especially since I haven't been asked on any dates and am thinking/obsessing about one specific guy less than ever.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous: not until at least the third date. Rule 15.
ReplyDeleteI completely disagree with the idea that 'following the rules' will not find you the kind of guy who can appreciate you for who you really are. In contrast, I think the point is for you to try to look your best, pace the relationship so that they continue to discover who you really are over time instead of one fell swoop of in-your-face "here i am with all my pluses and flaws", and to WEED OUT the guys who are NOT interested in you for who you really are.
ReplyDeleteA friend told me he thinks guys may even, in the en--over time, fall more deeply in love than women. But they have a slow and steady ramp up time. They need to wonder about you and who you are long enough to stay interested in finding out and over that same time they will start to either develop an affinity for you or drift away because 'they aren't that into you'. Either way, you win! Who wants to be with someone who's not that into them? Not me!!! I'd rather be "happy and busy".
-A Practicing Rules Girl
(note: "practice" not perfection)