Men like women who are neat and clean. They also make better mothers of their children--the kind who don't lose their kids at the beach.What is a bad nose? I arguably have one. Um, I'm not getting a nose job. Neat and clean? Um, ok, I'll try to progress past the whole "organized clutter" approach that I've been slowly implementing since the fall. I actually had a friend go through my clothes today and we threw out about 1/5 of my stuff and made a shopping list. I already dress pretty Rules-y, but my style includes some curveballs and I'm not going to completely get rid of that.
Men like women who wear fashionable, sexy clothes in bright colors. Why not please them?
Do everything you possibly can to put your best face forward. If you have a bad nose, get a nose job...
The Rules approach basically insists that you look your best, and presumes that this includes always wearing makeup. I am not a consistent wearer of daily makeup. Let me explain what I mean by this. I am generally wary of the prospect of putting on and taking off one's face. My mother always wears what I believe to be an insane amount of makeup, and growing up I didn't like how she looked so different with and without it. I rebelled by basically never wearing any except on special occasions.
However, since college there have been spurts of weeks when I will put it on every morning, usually when I am enchanted by some brand that a girlfriend introduces me to or in a department store and splurge on a bunch; or when I start a new job with the delusion that I would be perceived as unprofessional if I came in without mascara. A few months ago, I owned an absolutely ridiculous amount of makeup for the frequency of its usage. That had started to change somewhat by December - I organized all my colors of eye makeup from bare minerals in this fun drawer organizer from the Container Store and that rekindled my interest in putting it on. In the new year, I had a soft resolution to wear makeup every day that I have by and large kept.
This means that every day, I wear eye makeup and lip gloss, and this is going to have to do. I'd break out the foundation (again, bare minerals) for dates or other important evening events. I'm probably never going to wear conventional "perfume," sorry, Rules. But I am basically proud of my aversion to makeup. My appeal is rather girl next door, and too much makeup would probably not be "looking my best."
The chapter insists that "men prefer long hair." Check. Finally, an easy one, though I'm not sure how I could have made this magically happen in six months if I didn't already have long hair. But this is a bold generalization that is not always true. My last boyfriend always wanted me to cut mine chin-length, and I was always mad he didn't appreciate my mid-back hair.
And then there's this:
Don't tell sarcastic jokes. Don't be a loud, knee-slapping, funny girl...when you're with a man you like, be quiet and mysterious, act ladylike, cross your legs and smile. Don't talk so much. Wear black sheer pantyhose and hike up your skirt to entice the opposite sex! You might feel offended by these suggestions and argue that this will suppress your intelligence or vivacious personality. You may feel that you won't be able to be yourself, but men will love it!Page 22. Oy. I anticipate coming back to this paragraph often. As for the mysterious part, I don't think I've ever come off that way to anyone. I did make over my facebook privacy settings, creating a friends list for people I know well enough to actually see stuff and not letting anyone else see it. That way I can accept friend requests in my usual manner without exposing my life story for quite an extended period of time (I was an original fb user, when it was only in certain schools....) This process was incredibly cumbersome, because facebook would much rather I share information with everyone. But that is an entirely separate blog.
I sort of agree with your make-up philosophy. I hate the way women look with an inch of make-up on their faces. That being said I do appreciate modest application of lipstick and mascara / eye shadow. I suppose, like many things in life, the middle road is best.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't take offense to that second excerpt. I simply took it to mean, "Don't be loud and obnoxious" and "leave some mystery."
I don't like a lot of makeup either but every guy is different and the preferences really can be all over the place. I prefer natural, girl-next-door looks, but from several conversations with young male coworkers, it's obvious others want glammor and glitter and prefer their girls to look like they're on their way to a slutty nightclub.
ReplyDeleteI'm not yet able to determine if there's any correlation between the personality, culture, appearance, etc of a man and his tastes in women's style
Do you really want to organize your whole life around men, even when you aren't sure you want to be dating right now? Dressing every day to please men, makeup every day to please men, no IM to be mysterious to men, not too much humor so that men can be the funny ones, . . .
ReplyDeleteTo the last comment, in a word, no. That's part of why so much of this "do X to please men, do Y to please men" offends me.
ReplyDeleteI think the chapter that follows ("Creature Unlike Any Other") tempers the makeover chapter's male-centric view of life and sort of explains that these things about looking your best and controlling your behavior are actually for yourself. At least, that is how I'm interpreting them.
I hope I made clear in my post that while I'm serious about this experiment, I'm really only making the changes that I at least on some level want to make for ME. I want to be neat and clean, although have never accomplished it. I probably don't need to be publishing my whole life on facebook, especially given how skeptical I am about its privacy policies. Wearing a little makeup (NOT as much as the Rules or "men" want me to wear) probably makes me look more professional, and I do like the way I look a little more that way and am more confident. I was sort of on the makeup path before I conceived of this experiment.
By contrast, I'm not getting a nose job, no matter what anyone thinks of my nose :) And I'm probably still going to be a little vivacious and intelligent, I'm just going to think a little more about filtering my behavior (as a prior commenter suggested).
I think one of the most important things to do when you are dating is to be yourself, but to be your BEST self.
ReplyDeleteWould you be turned off if you see a guy at a meeting who hasn't shaved in 5 days and is wearing sweatpants?
As for the other Rules, I personally don't think you should dress like a slut, but you shouldn't dress like a school teacher either. And hiking the skirt up? That is a bit much, but if you take it as "Be flirty" then it is great advice.
As your "friend" who helped with your clothes, I would say you are well on your way!!! Lets go shopping so we can get "fashionable clothes in sexy, bright colors" LOL.
ReplyDeleteOK, so coming from a guy, this stuff makes sense for the most part. I approve of looking good at all times. Makeup is better when you do the "natural look." In terms of the humor portion, I think it means to the extent of restraint. A good sarcastic comment every so often is great, but a girl trying to dominate the conversation with her humor is annoying since in this situation, a man is almost obligated to laugh, so you may not actually be funny.
ReplyDelete